Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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