i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
