I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
