I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So squirting runs in the family.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize