this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
