umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
