I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My breasts were aching with rage.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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