weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
