I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
