I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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