After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
