I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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