I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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