I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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