ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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