So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
