Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
