Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
