When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
