Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
