I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
