I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
