I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
