once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This baby is an asshole
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
