happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
now i know why i became what i already was.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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