Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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