I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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