I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize