Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
