mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
