oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
