I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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