she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You pole danced in your parka.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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