So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
