Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
