bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
