That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
