i don't like sucking hair
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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