i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
