I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
