dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
