In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
