He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
