K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
