My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
