I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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