This girl is more easily done than said...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
