real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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