Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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