They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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