i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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