I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
try to milk me bitch
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
