This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
