It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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