Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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