dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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