I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
