Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
