dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
