First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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