Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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