I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
