you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
