just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
