You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
