bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
